I have a therapist…and why you need one too
I’ve gone to therapy off and on for about twenty years. First, that makes me feel old as hell to say that. Second, that’s the only part of that statement I feel blah about. I have a therapist who is the bees knees do you hear me? The bees freaking knees. We are wildly inappropriate and we laugh and talk and she gives me “the face”. I have cried, celebrated, been pissed off and 47 other emotions in her office. And I love her with all the heart eyeballs emojis in the world.
I do NOT hide that I go to therapy, I yell proudly that I go to therapy. Why? Because your ass probably needs to go too and if me casually mentioning that I have a therapy appointment and I need to go makes you not feel wacko about going yourself then I’m going to say it. I have chronic depression, severe anxiety and I live with PTSD. I have had some real shit in my life and you probably have too. It’s not normal to just let it live and lie like a breathing demon in your body. You have to get it out. It’s got to go. They are the Dark and Nasties.
I have compartmentalized my pain literally. I take all the things that hurt and scare me and put them in tiny boxes and slide it away in my store room in my mind. I hate that place. I hate walking in that place and let me tell you it’s not a tiny room. It’s huge and full of the Dark and Nasties I want to go away. Going to therapy is me walking in that room, sliding a box off the shelf putting it on Naomi’s coffee table and opening it up.
Have you watched Harry Potter? I’m a die hard Potterhead so here goes yet another Potter analogy. When Harry had to first learn how to defeat Dementors (the depression) Professor Lupin used a bogart which takes the form of the thing you fear most. Harry had to learn how to create a Patronus (think spirit animal) to push the bogart back into it’s box. Opening my boxes of the Dark and Nasties is knowing that a bogart, the thing I fear most, is going to rise out. Naomi, my therapist, is my Professor Lupin, she coaches me on how to best defeat the bogart and put it away but not defeat it. That pain, that experience doesn’t go away, it can’t and it shouldn’t. My pain has made me who I am, the good and bad. I don’t regret the Dark and Nasties. I just don’t want it to keep me from living a purposeful and authentic life.
Therapy has a riduclous stigma attached to it, being a woman of color that stigma is even greater. Don’t let it be. Most workplaces have Employee Assistance Programs, take advantage of whatever free therapy sessions are offered and go. Be open even if it’s the only safe space you feel you can speak in.
Is it ridiculously expensive? No. I choose to go sit down, face to face and have my sessions. You can also do them virtually or even just as a phone call. There are so many options to improving your mental health. Sidenote: Mental health is just that your MENTAL health. We talk freely about our physical health and there’s gyms and diets and supplements to support that and we go to medical doctors to fix us when we’re sick. Your mental health needs that same attention.
So does it work? Yep it does. You just read this right? This is the result of many months of therapy. It’s the result of me literally saying fuck it, I’m forty years old I’ve been through a ton of shit and maybe my pain can help someone else. Even if it’s just me saying you’re not alone. Because you aren’t. Help is out there you have to make the choice to take control of every aspect of your health and there’s value in that.
Don’t let the dementors get to you. Fight back. Be a Harry Potter in a world full of Voldemorts. Be vulnerable, move past the shame and find some peace. Oh and go hug somebody, there’s power in that too.
Here’s a few resources:
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
TalkSpace – If you have trouble finding the time to physically go see someone here is a virtual option. Therapists often offer a mix of in person and virtual sessions in your area as well.
Check with your insurance provider and see who is approved in your network.
Most workplaces have an Employee Assistance Program that offers a number of free sessions.
